Still a bunch of idiots....

So DH was playing up in school again, so they called me in at 10:30 to take him home. I got there in 10mins and he grinned when he saw me... then the idiot teacher says 'don't hit mummy', so of course to a child with ODD that's petrol to a flame.

What the heck is O.D.D.?

So he attacked me, grabbed my breasts and twisted them painfully shouting how he wanted to give me cancer, and destroyed my good glasses[just as well I have a spare pair...] So we went home with him grabbing and kicking and punching and screaming and generally acting awful. I got him home and he started saying; 'you are working with the school to kill me!'

So, of course I called his psychiatrist and explained, as 30mins after me picking him up [exactly like every day] he was calm and peaceful, just like when the SW came around yesterday. The psychiatrist advised that he isn't to go to school until next wednesday and I have to take notes on his behaviour every 30mins. Then he is to go back on wednesday and more notes- then in the afternoon I have to call her and tell her what went on. It seems very likely that he will not be going back to school.

Also we are visiting CW [aka the new school] on the week of the 11th- probably the wednesday.... I invited the SW along as she is very concerned about the placement and the school....

I believe DS has this and the new school will help because of rigid rules and timetables...

Just talked to the SC school- my lord they're idiots. The staff didn't even know half of what was going on... I had to tell them... sighhhh... I'm surrounded by stupid, stupid people!

His review is the day before, most likely he will be recommended for medication or the parental unit so the can observe his behaviour in an environment with cameras and support- although I think since his problems are psychiatric and emotional; a behavioural unit is not appropriate. But it's a likely first move towards him entering a secure unit.... He might get both...

What is it like in a secure childrens' unit?

Then on the friday it will be my fourth therapy session[second one tomorrow] and I am dreading it...

I have to say one thing- an ipad is a God-send for DS... it keeps him quiet and happy and even though he didn't go to sleep until 11, and woke at 12, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,  and 7, it meant he could sit quietly and not sent me insane.... Although I pray he sleeps tonight!

Remember the lost angel babies....

Remember 

Remember when discouraged,

A little star shines above,

It glow with the heart of a sweet one,

And showers you with love.

For Michella... by MsGosh.

What a bunch of IDIOTS!

So I've finished scrubbing my house from top to bottom, including the front yard bit... the house stinks of cleaning products and I have a spine that feels like it is on fire. All is well.

Except it isn't; that IDIOT school has struck again. It's bad enough that DS only goes for three hours a day, IF they let him in. And it's bad enough that when he is in there they don't make him do 'the hard work' because they don't want to deal with the fallout, but today was ridiculous.

I dropped him off at 9am. 10am rolls around and I'm mopping the floors when my phone rings; it's the school secretary. 

"Hi C, this is the secretary at DS's school. DS wasn't wanting to do any work today and the teacher asked if he wanted to go home and he said yes. So can you pick him up?''

EXCUSE ME?! Ask ANY preteen do they want to get to get out of doing work and they will.

What a lot of hooey!

This is an accurate description of his school staff.

I got his new statement and the letter with which to accept his movement to the new school and arranging the transport across to it- given that it is on the complete other side of the city.

OH and I discovered the STUPID STUPID STUPID woman who is DS's assistant hasn't trained as an assistant for kids with special needs... she's trained as a secretary... basically she got the job of loking after the severest kid in the school beause she is the principal's DAUGHTER. Eurgh- nepotism!

I was meant to find out today when we go for his visittt....heeeeey I wonder if THAT is why we got an impromptu free day?

I have said a big giant 'FUCK YOU' to their uber strict rules on uniform too... they don't like it, I don't care because the 'getting ready in the morning' game has changed in length from 2.5hrs to 15minutes.... ahhhhhhhh ...... 

Annnnnnyway I took a 'do you have aspergers, no really DO you?' quiz, and guess what? I got a really high score... as in higher than my friends who HAVE a diagnosis of aspergers! Lookit:

I mean, just look at it... nearly nothing in the neuro-typical area; no wonder my kid didn't stand a chance!

You wanna take it too?

Are you aspergers, no REALLY are you aspergers?!

The blue column on the left hand side is where you'll find out if you are rain-man like me!

Just a little to tide you over.....

Just a short post today because I am mid-spring clean..... but just a little image to keep you going- long post to follow this evening:

EXCUSE ME?!

I RECEIVED  TWO TEXTS TONIGHT FROM A PERSON ASKING ME TO STOP WRITING ABOUT THEM ON THIS BLOG. 

THESE PEOPLE DO NOT USE FB, SO SOMEBODY TOLD THEM ABOUT IT; IT BECAME PRETTY SELF EVIDENT AS TO WHO IT IS WHEN I DISCOVERED A HAD UN-FRIENDED ME ON FB. 

JUST A HEADS UP A, YOU KNOW M AND P A FEW YEARS. 

YOU DON'T KNOW THEM.

ANYWAY I WAS TOLD TO STOP WRITING OR M WOULD SEEK THE ADVISE OF A SOLICITOR, AND WILL SEE IF I CAN BE SUED FOR LIBEL. 

libel (for written, broadcast, or otherwise published words)—is the communication of a statement that makes a claim, expressly stated or implied to be factual, that may give an individual, business, product, group, government, or nation a negative image. 

This can be also any disparaging statement made by one person about another, which is communicated or published, whether true or false, depending on legal state. 

In Common Law it is usually a requirement that this claim be false and that the publication is communicated to someone other than the person defamed (the claimant).^[1]

In common law jurisdictions, slander refers to a malicious, false,^[2] and defamatory spoken statement or report, while libel refers to any other form of communication such as written words or images.

I HAVE NOT SAID ANYTHING THAT IS NOT TRUE, AND I SWEAR THAT ON THE LIFE OF DS. 

ALL MY WRITINGS ARE BASED UPON MY SUBJECTIVE MEMORIES OF EVENTS THAT OCCURRED TO ME. 

EVERYONE MENTIONED HAS ANONYMITY AS I DO NOT USE THEIR NAMES/JOBS/AGES[APART FROM DS AND MYSELF]/RELATIONSHIPS/PHOTOS/INITIALS ETC. 

I WILL NOT NAME AND SHAME, IF YOU RECOGNIZE YOURSELF, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE.

I AM NOT TRYING TO SHAME YOU, TO EMBARRASS YOU, TO LIE ABOUT YOU, I AM MERELY WORKING THROUGH MY MEMORIES IN ORDER TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON. 

I AM ATTENDING THERAPY TO WORK THROUGH MY ISSUES. 

I WRITE TO EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS. 

I DO NOT WISH TO PUT BARRIERS UP, AS I AM TRYING TO BREAK BARRIERS DOWN- PERHAPS YOU HAVE BARRIERS IN YOUR PAST THAT YOU NEED TO BREAK DOWN TOO. 

YOUR SUPPORT IS KIND, BUT UN-NECESSARY; I AM AN ADULT-LET ME STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET.

YOUR INTOLERANCE OF MY 'WASHING THE DIRTY LINEN IN PUBLIC' IS ANTIQUATED AND UNHELPFUL.

I AM NOT TRYING TO HURT YOU, STOP TRYING TO HURT ME.

OH AND STOP TELLING PEOPLE I TAKE DRUGS; I TAKE MEDICATION FOR A MEDICAL CONDITION- IT MAY BE A HIDDEN ILLNESS BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT ANY LESS REAL OR PAINFUL TO LIVE WITH. 

I AM NOT 'ADDICTED TO HAPPY PILLS' LIKE CELEBS, I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS TO KEEP ME FROM MY SEVERE DEPRESSION. I DO NOT WISH TO END UP LIKE A BELOVED FAMILY MEMBER- I WISH TO FIGHT THE DEPRESSION AND WIN.

I WILL CONTINUE THERAPY, I WILL CONTINUE BLOGGING[WHICH WILL PROBABLY ONLY CONTAIN FLEETING REFERENCES TO YOU: APPROX 0.01% OF THE TOTAL CONTENT] AND I WILL GO BACK AND FINISH MY EDUCATION.

I CAN DO THIS WITH OR WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT- YOU MAKE THE DECISION, EITHER WAY WORKS FOR ME.

Am I over-reacting?

Am I over-reacting that he is this red on his face, neck, arms and legs?

Blue....

Blue

When you feel blue,

And he world seems too much,

Remember people love you,

Remember you're their crutch.

And feel the peace expanding,

And the love envelope you,

You do a job; outstanding,

And we all love you.

By Chris.

(For Hazel)

Sunburn... continued...

So.

I sent the text to M this morning about what I mentioned last night.

Apparently it's:

1. Not a big deal.
2. My son's fault because he didn't like the suncream.
3. I didn't send any cream with him[this is true, she gets factor 50 free on prescription and I thought there was therefore no need to send any.]
4. Other people got burned more.
5. Factor fifty is apparently the most there is.
6. M couldn't keep DS in the shade.

Actually it IS a pretty big deal, you CAN get higher than factor 50[and you can reapply it regularly], you don't let an 8yr old dictate a matter of health and safety. Also, 'everyone else was doing it' is NOT an excuse and strikes me as a particularly childish response.

I detailed why suburn is bad on the previous post- but I lightened the mood [as I got a moody 'oh and it was nice to get a thank you for minding your son.'] by trying to explain that the SW and school would likely report this as a problem.

DS was in agony, he couldn't bear to have his collar on his shirt closed... he has Sensory Processing Disorder and therefore what would be a level 3 pain for us is a level 10 pain for him. I gave him painkillers and put on some aftersun cream, then told him he would have to be brave. He also said no sun cream was applied friday and saturday. Grrrrr.

I also used the time to explain how to stay sun-safe:

• Slip on a t-shirt.
• Slap on a hat.
• Slop on suncream.
• REAPPLY the cream every hour and use factor 50 or above.
• Stay in the shade as much as possible.
• Wear sunglasses since sun damages eyes too!

Also; ever wondered how to explain pain and painkillers to a kid with special needs? Well here is how I did it:

Inside your body there are lots of different road [nerves] and these all go to your brain. When you get hurt a man in a car [pain message] drives from the 'ouchie' [damaged part] to the the brain so it can tell you to do something to stop the pain.

Painkillers have little policemen [chemicals] inside that set up road blocks and stop the man in the car reaching the brain. Policemen work better when you take them with food because when they aren't hungry they work faster. 

Every four hours the policeman finishes his shift [stops being effective/runs out] and a NEW policeman painkiller] has to go on shift to keep the road block going. Towards the end of the shift the policeman might get tired [becomes less effective] and a few men in cars can sneak through to the brain.

This analogy worked well as he understood how things work and it is factually correct so that when he learns the biological way it works he won't get confused.

How do painkillers work?

On the other 'situation', I asked M NOT to speak to DS about money again. She replied that he brought it up [which incidentally was her story when she 'taught' my son to ask for money for studding his dog with mine] and that she said she did not know to him. I asked DS directly, and like the studding incident, he said 'NO, she asked me.' Hmmmmm, I will keep an eye on this.

DS EVENTUALLY went to sleep at 2:30am, so I am exhausted, and so is he. Which will make the pain feel worse. Poor kid.

Caffeine

Caffeine holds my world together,

It gives it form

Structure,

Energy.

It moulds me into a human,

It keeps me awake,

Alert,

Able.

Without it I am a shell,

It makes me whole,

Intense,

Real.

Without it I am,

Nothing.

All About Caffeine

Sunburn....

So... DS spent the weekend at M/P's house. The only communication they made with me was when P indicated which side of the car DS's car seat was on. I also received a text about 8pm telling me DS would be returned 10.30pm.

That was fine. I can stay up and fix my blog I think.

However, DS comes in and his skin is RED from sunburn. Apparently in the 26 degree celcius heat, with a blazing sun, M neglected to put on sun cream! I am LIVID... Apparently she told him that it is fine because it will 'turn into tan' in the morning.

Sunburn Defined

Sunburn is a literal burn of the skin. However, a sunburn, as opposed to a thermal or contact burn, causes skin damagebefore significant redness appears. As sunbathers experience little to no pain during the initial stages of sunburn, many overexpose their skin without realizing the danger involved.

The actual cause of sunburn is overexposure of ultraviolet rays (UV), whereas lesser amounts of UV rays produce a suntan. The types of UV rays responsible for sunburn are UVA and UVB (short and long wave rays). UVB is of greater concern when it comes to sun-related skin cancer and, depending on your location, these rays tend to be much stronger midday and a couple hours before and after. More stringent guidelines recommend against tanning from 10am to 4pm. Tanning beds also produce both UVA and UVB rays.

The dangers of sunburn are far more than cosmetic, and cumulative effects begin as early as childhood. Protect yourself now and avoid several health complications as well as premature aging.

The Many Dangers of Sunburn

Both short- and long-term dangers of sunburn exist and range from mild to sometimes life-threatening. According to reports by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and eMedicine (from WebMD), these dangers include, but are not limited to:

• Premature and accelerated skin aging: age spots, wrinkles
• Aggravation of existing or underlying skin disorders: eczema, rosacea, psoriasis
• Dehydration
• Photosensitivity / photoreactions
• Second-degree burns
• Secondary infection
• Shock (such as from massive fluid loss)
• Death

Long-term complications may include:

• Pre-cancerous growths
• Skin cancer

Additional studies show UV rays' connection to:

• Cataracts, corneal burns, macular degeneration, and other ocular disorders

http://skincare.lovetoknow.com/Dangers_of_Sunburn

I always, always, always use at least factor 50 on him, especially since vitiligo runs in my family!

What IS vitiligo?

DS also told me that M/P had been discussing whether I really WAS saving money for my child, or if I had spent it! This was immature and could affect the trust my son has for me, while making me look small and petty and a criminal in his eyes [since he only sees concepts as black or white, with no grey areas...]

I tried to explain to him that he has £160 saved up, and that I had to wait until he had £100 saved before I could get him a bank account at the post office, and that it was delayed because I have to send away my driving licence and that is the form of I.D. I need.

The account I want to set up...

His next words shocked me, he said 'that's very convenient.' THOSE are not the words of an eight year old child! Those are the words of an immature adult trying to turn DS  against me!

So, since it is 12:36am, and my child cannot sleep because of his terrible sunburn[ despite liberal applications of aftersun], I will be pulling M/P tomorrow both about not using suncream on DS and discussing things such as his bank account in front of him! I am very, very, very displeased!

Invisible Disabilities....

Invisible disabilities- are disabilities that are not immediately apparent. Some people with visual or auditory disabilities who do not wear glasses or hearing aids, or discreet hearing aids, may not be obviously disabled. Some people who have vision loss may wear contacts. A sitting disability is another category of invisible impairments; sitting problems are usually caused by chronic back pain. Those with joint problems or chronic pain may not use mobility aids on some days, or at all.

Invisible disabilities can also include chronic illnesses and conditions such as renal failure, color blindness, diabetes, epilepsy, and sleep disorders if those ailments significantly impair normal activities of daily living. Other invisible disabilities include, but are not limited to, AIDS/HIV, ADHD, cancer, and autism.

Do any of the people here feel as though they are looked down upon for having a 'hidden disabilty'?

Do you have to deal with disbelief?

Do you have to hear the, 'my second cousin had that and 'x' cured him?

Do people not understand the concept of a disability that does not involve a wheelchair?

I will tell two stories, both true, both personal:

1] I have a type of depression which is caused by brain chemicals being present in the wrong amounts. I also have arthritis, fibromyalgia and oesteoporosis.

I am frequently told that I am not ill, that I should ditch the 'happy pills', 'stop doing drugs' [I only take WHAT I am prescribed and WHEN I am prescibed them] and that I am addicted to medication.

I am also often told 'my granny  has that, and she can do this, that, the other'. Often these grannies perform amazing feats and are ALL described as much 'iller' than I. As though it were a competition.

2] I had a neighbour, whom we shall call O. Now I confided in O about my son's behaviours and epilepsy.

However, O was of the belief that if you could walk, or didn't have an extreme learning difficulty, then you weren't disabled.

When surgery was first mentioned as an option, I tried to explain they were thinking of removing part of his brain.

When I refused her request to run a fund raiser, she told everyone I had said he had brain cancer[she didn't understand the concept of the surgery] and that he didn't have epilepsy anyway BECAUSE she never saw a seizure!

Her extreme stupidty led to her harrassing me by phoning social services repeatly, his dr, his school and writting a poison pen letter.

Her finger prints on that were what we needed or her to be cautioned for harrasment.

Now these are EXTREME reactions to hidden disabilities, the reactions can be small through muttering that your child is a brat in the checkout queue to the dirty look you receive as you parkyour car in a disabled parking spot and walk away, seemingly fine....

Please tell your stories below....

Heather Lee Dyer 

Invisible Disability

Unseen illness.

Handful of prescriptions spaced just right.

    The pain is worse than usual this morning.

On the outside it doesn’t look like

    There is anything wrong with me,

And then the brain fog only interrupts 

    My day

        Every now and then.

Unseen pain.

But a few sit and judge, grumbling about “sick days”

    And special lighting.

At work they do not see all I have accomplished

    Even before

        I arrive at my desk!

The daily struggle

To just get out of bed,

    Stand in the shower… wash my hair,

        Remember the first round of

            Meds for the day.

Slowly with effort I get dressed.

Do I have to wear socks today?

My joints are aflame,

    My muscles rebel!

But what an accomplishment!

Time for work!

Such simple tasks, but not such

A small feat for me!

Concentrate! Concentrate!

Others dream and strive for

    Promotions, recognition, power.

But I,

Aspire to make the daily tasks

    Look easy,

        Do well at my job,

            Hide the struggle within, and appear

Normal.

Unseen illness.

Lupus survivor!

Invisible Disabilities In The U.K. or Invisible Disabilities Association [U.S.A. based.]

You know; this has a ring of truth to it...

I'm pretty sure that this is pretty much how psychiatrists are.....

This blogging seems to agree with me...

Well, I got five whole hours sleep! I didn't wake up refreshed [that has only occurred once in my life] but I didn't wake up tired. And as a result; I woke up happy and quite cheerful. Although that might have more to do with my psychiatrist increasing my anti-depressant about a week and a half ago.

I decided to do as William Morris suggested and get rid of anything that is not useful or beautiful. Several hours later and I am 12.5 huge, black, bin bags full of rubbish lighter. However I had to stop when the heat and fibromyalgia combined to beat me into submission. I took my usual combination of painkillers and anti-inflammatories to head off the worst of the agony, and allow me to finish the clean up tomorrow. Pity that I'm out of muscle relaxors as those really help.

A few small points though I would like to make about this blog. Firstly, there are a few of you over here from facebook, hi by the way, and are friends with me; please whoever thought that reporting me as a 'credible threat of harm to self' step off. I am NOT going to harm myself. This is called writing, a form of self-expression, I use it to get my feelings OUT of me in safe manner. I have felt these feelings since I was a kid. I am not suddenly going to jump off a bridge because I finally became self-actuated enough to express myself. You are not helping by reporting me, people like you need to understand that by reporting people when they say they are feeling rough just causes the person to go underground with their feelings. That is when depression is dangerous; when it is kept quiet. Here is a hint; talk to me about it. Ask me how I'm feeling at that moment- feelings aren't stationary you know.

Secondly, and I suspect this is the same person, do not make a fake fb account to PM me a message that you are concerned about me and that you plan to let M and P know what I'm saying. Again, step off. All of what I said for the first point is still true. I have a dr, a psychiatrist, a counsellor, a social worker and am getting a therapist and a nurse. I have ENOUGH people who are PAID to care about me. Even if you think otherwise, you barely know me; this is true because no-one really DOES know me, I repeat this because you seem to have trouble understanding this- I am NOT GOING TO HARM MYSELF. And just WHO do you think you are threatening to tell M and P? I am a 30yr old woman who as lived independently since I was 17. I have a home, son and pets, my own Goddamned life! You do not threaten to 'tell' on an adult. You aren't clever, you aren't wise. If you DO decide to 'tell' be aware that you are dead to me, and that is no joke, I mean that you will be totally cut from my life. M and P are not the wonderful be all and end all- they knew I had a tough week, with attending my first therapy session. They have not called me, or spoken to me in over a week. And frankly, I am doing better on my own.

So, now we have gotten that out of the way, I hope that those who read this blog will feel free to speak to me about how I am feeling.

Project Cuddle...

Project Cuddle is a non-profit organization that offers safe and legal alternatives to baby abandonment. We run a confidential toll-free 24-hour hotline for pregnant girls and women who find themselves scared and feel that they have no hope or that anyone can help them through this frightening time in their lives.  Many are hiding their pregnancies, are near birth term, have no plans for their babies once born, and need prenatal care. They don’t want anyone to know their secret.  Every pregnancy is kept confidential. We work with girls and women throughout the United States and Canada.

Project Cuddle provides educational materials at no cost to schools that are interested in sharing them with their students.  Our “Believe Campaign” helps make students aware of options available to them other than abandonment of a newborn.  Our school video features our national spokesperson, John Stamos, as well as Mary Stewart Masterson, Kathy Najimy and Paula Abdul.  It has been distributed across America.  We participate in assemblies conducted to help educate high school and college students.

Project Cuddle helps frightened girls/women through a difficult time in their lives. Some will call             1-888-628-3353       and speak with a caring volunteer, while others will email us via our web site.  Once we are contacted, we listen and offer ways we can help.  Many need guidance to medical care and counseling. Some just need emotional support. We tailor each case to the specific girl or woman as needed. Many choose adoptive families who have been carefully screened, while the rest will get support, guidance and confidence to raise their babies. Our goal is to have each baby safe, and each birthmother proud of the decision she has made.

Project Cuddle is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization. Our crisis line was created in 1996 and is able to continue because of the generous support of donors like you.  We have a small staff and a large base of volunteers to keep our charity running.  Our Advisory Board and Board of Directors are all volunteers.

Maybe...

Maybe you are a young girl,

Who made a mistake,

Maybe you are in,

A bad situation.

Maybe something bad happened,

And you didn't know,

Maybe it was a shock,

Or terrifying.

But now there is a life,

A lusty cry.

But now there is a LIFE,

And you are responsible.

But you are not alone,

There is help,

But just one call,

And there are people who care.

You don't need to be,

That girl who did 'that thing',

You don't need to be,

The mum who ran away.

You can reach out,

Call project cuddle,

You can get help,

Get that life a home.

Project cuddle will help you,

Give birth and be safe,

Project cuddle will help your baby,

Have a loving home.

Project cuddle is a safe place,

To say what needs to be said,

Project cuddle is the better choice,

Choose life for your baby.

Project Cuddle Website

English :             1-888-628-3353      

Spanish :             1-888-483-2323      

Email : info@projectcuddle.org

What They Can Do For You

• Find you shelter and medical assistance.

• Help you arrive at solutions that allow you to walk away with your head held high.

• Help you plan a future for yourself of which you can be proud.

• Help you get your GED.

• Help you find a job.

What They Won’t Do

• Send an ambulance to your door.

• Call social services to pick up your other kids.

• Tell your parents (Unless you ask them to).